GET OUT NOW
Once you have made the decision to leave, it is essential do so quickly and quietly. Leaving can be a dangerous time, and the safety of you and your children should always be your number one priority.

• Are you in danger right now or in an immediate emergency? Call the police 911. If you feel that you can’t speak, just leave the phone off the hook. Help will be dispatched automatically.If you cannot call the police, call your local crisis centre or shelter. You can find their numbers in the front of your phone book. Your discussion is fully confidential and might help you devise an appropriate plan of action.
• If you live in Ottawa, you can call our crisis line at 613-234-5181

If you are being abused and want to leave:

• Don't tell your partner that you're thinking of leaving. Plan your emergency exits. Take your children with you. Keep emergency phone numbers with you at all times. (Crisis lines, shelters, police, etc.)Consider hiding extra clothing, house keys, car keys, money etc., at a trustworthy friend's house if possible. Have an emergency suitcase packed if possible.
• Bring documents that prove you have been living at the same address with your partner such as a letter addressed to the abuser.

If you can, you should also take the following items with you:

• Valuable documents for you and your children such as :
• passports, birth certificates, marriage certificates, immigration papers, drivers’ licenses, OHIP card, SIN card, credit cards, bank books and bank cards.
• All prescriptions and medicines for you and your children.
• Special toys and comforts for your children.

ARE YOU AT RISK?
Every woman needs to know the risk factors for abuse. Verbal violence often turns into physical violence with time. Verbal violence is just as damaging as physical violence. Abuse can take many forms, including physical, psychological, financial, sexual and invasive (ie. stalking), and abuse can happen in all domestic relationships. Most importantly, all forms of abuse are wrong, against the law, devastating and affect the individual, the children, and the community.Abuse affects women of all ages, cultures, educational levels, socioeconomic backgrounds and sexual orientations. Abusers maintain control through fear and intimidation tactics. An abuser can lead a woman to wrongfully believe that she has no way out and/or that she is the cause of her own victimization, but this is never the case. No one can be held responsible for the behaviours of others, and abusers need to be held accountable for their own actions. Women never deserve to be abused.

WARNING SIGNS OF ABUSE
If you think you may be in an abusive relationship, give us a call at 613-234-5181.We can help in more ways than you think.

Ask yourself the following questions. If you answer “yes” to any of them, call us for further support or clarification.

Does anyone in my home…

• Treat me like I belong to him/her?
• Tell me that if “he/she can’t have me, then no one will have me?”
• Stop me from seeing my family and friends?
• Make me live in a remote or isolated area?
• Take my paycheque from me?
• Refuse to give me money, transportation, or access to a telephone?
• Abuse alcohol and/or drugs, which leads to erratic behaviour?
• Have a history of depression, which leads to threats?
• Hurt my pet in order to frighten or punish me?
• Kill my pet in order to frighten or punish me?
• Force me to stay awake?
• Sexually abuse me?
• Force me to do sexual acts that make me feel uncomfortable or cause me pain?
• Break or damage things that are special to my children or me?
• Endanger me (and my children) through reckless driving?
• Try to convince me to stay with him/her by making me feel guilty?
• Threaten to kill my loved ones or me?
• Threaten to commit suicide?
• Use a weapon against me and/or others?
• Make me think about calling the police because I’m scared of what could happen next?

If you answer “yes” to any of the above and “yes” to any of the following questions, your life could be in danger.

• Does he/she have possession of any weapons?
• Has he/she ever threatened you or your children with them?
• Has he/she abused, killed, or mutilated a pet?
• Has he/she ever confined you or your children against your will?
• Is he/she aware that you are leaving? It is a good idea to have a safety plan, as this is an extremely dangerous time. Please visit shelternet.ca or click here http://www.ncadv.org/protectyourself/SafetyPlan_130.html

Police and Victim Services have access to a variety of risk assessment tools. Please contact your local police services if needed or click here.

TYPES OF ABUSE
There are many types of abuse, all of which have long-term effects that can be devastating to women and their children. Everyone that endures or witnesses abuse is affected by it. It’s also important to know the effects of violent behaviour on children that witness it. Please visit the following information for further information: http://www.shelternet.ca/en/women/understanding-abuse/

Are you suffering from any of the following?

Emotional/Psychological Abuse
Anything that makes you feel afraid or bad about yourself is psychological abuse. Put-downs and name-calling that hurt your feelings or diminish your self-worth are abusive, and so are intimidation tactics that are used to inspire fear. No one should be humiliated by or afraid of a loved one. An abuser might also prevent you from being able to do anything or see anyone when he or she is not around, by trying to cut you off altogether from your friends, family, job and other activities.

Psychological abuse also comes in the form of threatening or guilt-inducing behaviour. Some abusers use:

• the children to induce guilt, by making the children give you negative messages
• use child visitation as a way to monitor or harass you
• use threats to try to make you stay
• threaten to kill themselves, you, a child, a pet, your friends or family members
• threaten to have the child(ren) taken away (CAS) , report you or your family to Ontario Works or even have you deported

Abusers are usually lying about their ability to accomplish any of these legal actions. Please feel free to call use for more information: 613 234-8151.

Financial/Economic Abuse
Many abusers use money and economic resources as a means to maintain control over their partners and keep a system of dependence in the relationship.

• If someone is preventing you from earning money (perhaps by prohibiting you from working or making you call in sick), you are being abused financially.
• You are also abused if you are not allowed any say over household spending,
• or if you are not allowed to participate in financial decisions.
• You are also being abused if you must ask for spending money and account to him/her for how and where you spent it.

Physical Abuse
Physical abuse is any intentional violence against another person with the aim of causing pain or injury. Pushing, grabbing, hitting, punching, kicking, throwing things, damaging property, punching walls or using weapons in a threatening way are all forms of physical abuse.

Sexual Abuse
Sexual abuse can and does happen in marriages and other romantic relationships. Any unwanted, non-consensual sexual behaviour is abuse, including any kind of intimate touching or intrusion. The forcing or coercing of degrading, humiliating or painful sexual acts is also a form of sexual abuse. Every woman has the right to say “no,” even to her husband, boyfriend or other romantic partner.

Invasive Abuse
If someone is stalking you, this is invasive abuse. You have the right to privacy. This also means that no one can read your mail or e-mail; listen in on your phone conversations, or spy on you. You have the legal right to lead your own life without intrusion.

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